I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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