I like to think it a success when the cops are called
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
