whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
