sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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