I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
