I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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