It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
