you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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