And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
