I smell stomach acid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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