I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
