wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
