Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
