I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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