How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
