Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
