this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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