I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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