I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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