I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
