He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
