I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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