K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the day after is always just damage control
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
