There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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