How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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