last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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