I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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