He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
