I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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