Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
