You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
