I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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