I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
