we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
