Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
