remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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