I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
