i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
