he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
