Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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