I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
