im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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