thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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