I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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