Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
