he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
