'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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