The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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