i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
