I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
