Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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