Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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