Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
