I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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