I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
