ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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