My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
