Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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