I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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