Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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