Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
