I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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