my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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