well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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