You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
