Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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