i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dicks are not precious.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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