Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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