Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
